Sunday, April 29, 2007

Why Couples Dont Have Sex.

Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to
make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an
average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did
not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the
baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the
month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up
your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would
hear us
9 times you said your mother would
hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the
activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a
crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and
get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you
I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you
because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......

=======================================
==============

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little
confused. Here are the reasons you
didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried
to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got
in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to
play golf
2 times you were in a fight and
someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose
was running
2 times you had a splinter in your
finger
20 times you lost the motion after
thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while
reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because
you missed and were screwing the
sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in
the ceiling, what I said was, "Would
you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because
you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Posted by Retard at 10:11 PM

Profile

Name: Unknown
Code Name: Pinky/Pink
D.O.B: Does that really matter?
Contact Details: I wish I knew.
Height: Well, shorter than me.
Weight: How the hell would I know?!
Institution: SAJC
Educational Level: JC1

Ratings:-
Face: 10/10
Boobs: 10/10
Legs: 10/10
Overall: 30/30

Remarks:
She is one in a million; or maybe even trillion. Perfect soul stealer. Might not get a chance to see another as perfect as her.

Special Thanks to:
Darryl Leo (Photographer)
Well nice shot but please please please don't ever take pictures of anyone so blatantly again.

Posted by Retard at 9:51 PM

Oh my goodness...Coach actually equated good/stiff suit to a bigger suit. Man, I really gotta teach him whats the difference.

Posted by Retard at 8:47 PM

Friday, April 27, 2007

I've really been thinking a lot lately. Though I've been telling people that I wasn't born to make the wrong decision, I've been making mistakes after mistakes right from the start. Going to JC was the greatest one. It's the worst period of time I have to go through. Character molding I must say.

Well, JC is a place where I see real losers. REAL walking losers. But after knowing more and more of them, I come to realise that losers always get the best things. The blackest of the blackest horse got to be someone nobody believes. The loser of the losers got the chance to talk big because he was so blessed. He did not a ask yet he received.

Really feel that I've been shortchanged, not only a lot but a hell lot. Didn't know what I've done wrong. Went for trainings but got kicked out, train hard but got a lousy suit, got the gun 1st but let it to others. I really hate to offend others but nice guys finishes last isn't it? Well I've got no use for those losers now, its time that I be a real man and start fighting for my rights.

Well you guys forced me to...

Mistakes made:
Going JC
Not going for pre-U seminar
Joining shooting wasn't a mistake. Something went wrong half way.
Always giving in thinking that its always ok
Abstaining myself from politics

Posted by Retard at 7:44 PM

Sunday, April 22, 2007

CRAP. Its all Rahman's fault. I swear its him. We were never involve. So if you find a group of guys irritating, stare closer and spot the irritant. Its the tall guy with superman's hair!!!

Posted by Retard at 9:15 PM

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Well, that's what happens when you ding ding too much...

PUMA

COMA?!

Posted by Retard at 4:26 PM

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Things to bring before going out.

Found something new? Y-E-S, my watch is finally back with me. Finally.

Dude... cut them some slack would you. Give them some privacy.

Posted by Retard at 8:36 PM

Monday, April 09, 2007

I feel cheated. But somehow, I don't know why. I tried to recall everything I did today, and nope, no one cheated me. I just don't feel right and it seems like something is going to happen. Oh well, I'll just sit and wait...

Posted by Retard at 8:16 PM

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Well this is why I dare not go into the rink from evening onwards. I'll get pawned.

Zac at some slide competition.

I can only pawn noobs in the morning... O.O

Posted by Retard at 8:22 PM

Friday, April 06, 2007

Craving Unleashed. 1st time I got to skate after a long long while. I still love ECP and I'm sure you know why. MY type. This time, bikini babe!! But I think she is a Chinese national. Out of the question.

I pawned those noobs at the rink!!! There were these few real noobs and these freestylers in the ring initially. I don't even have to do a single slide, just footworks, transitions and compasses, and I realised less and less people are skating and more and more are standing at the side. GODLIKE. Don't call me Prof. Nerf from now on, call me...PRO-NOOB. ROAR!!! But...Pro-Noob still noob rite...Didn't dare to step into the rink once the people from IC started coming. Firstly, kao they are bloody pro. Secondly, once I stepped in, I'll have to go for trainings. Sian.

Nearly broke my last record of 8h of skating. Miss it by 1/2 an hour. Darn.
No dislocations this time. Very safe. I only do stupid things when I'm around people who can make stupid things look smart.